Holiday Practice – Season 2?

A couple of years ago, just before the institute opened, I practised and blogged about the same. This year, I’d like to attempt the same. It’s a study month as I prep for the academic year ahead with an additional role. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on my days as a beginner and I recollect how the classes made me feel, how some asana sensations happened. As a beginner, I had just one year before moving to an intermediate level so the soaking in of that level happened much later, from the early online Covid days until now, both as student and demonstrator.

I hope to have Holiday Practice 2 as a way to mark this phase of my journey. My endeavour for the month would be to focus on the study of texts and do a comparative study. While I’ve read most of the books and articles, this time, I’m hoping to do so in a systematic fashion with the intent of consolidating my understanding upto this point in time. Today’s readings included portions from LOY, GFW, Arogya Yoga, Preliminary course etc. and the highlight was a reading of the Hatha Yoga Pradipika. It’s a text I’ve not spent much time on but today was an interesting experience, quite like fitting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Sanskrit yogic literature is neat and progressive in its arrangement. I suppose that is what makes it easier to remember. Reading Guruji and Geeetaji’s works through the lens of the texts that they reference brings a different flavour, combining both their experience as well as the inherent wealth it contains.

While we have the luxury of finding all these works at our fingertips, just a century ago, much of this would have been part of an oral tradition as the written word would not have been as easily accessible. It is worthwhile to consider old methods of study, especially as we spin in a world of screens.

1.1- Salutation to Âdinâtha (Śiva) who expounded the knowledge of Haṭha Yoga, which like a staircase leads the aspirant to the high pinnacled Râja Yoga.
1.2- Yogin Swâtmârâma, after saluting first his Gurû Srinâtha explains Haṭha Yoga for the attainment of Raja Yoga.
1.3- Owing to the darkness arising from the multiplicity of opinions people are unable to know the Râja Yoga. Compassionate Swâtmârâma composes the Haṭha Yoga Pradipikâ like a torch to dispel it.

The initial three shlokas are representative of the tradition of acknowledging and revering the source of knowledge, one’s Guru and the spirit of service of the sadhaka. The subject matter is emphasised in triplicate here and the rest of the book is an unfolding of the practices towards Samadhi. It will be interesting to make the acquaintance with this text.

Leap of Faith

The calendar that hangs in my room says, ‘Yoga is equanimity’. Equanimity has an underlying context of a difficult period in its routine usage. But, I like to remind myself that it is the ability to maintain composure in good times and tough ones. Asana is a wonderful stage to explore the concept. Right from the invocation when the teacher says, “get composed, be humble,” there is a sense of setting the stage to accept whatever the mat brings. 

Yesterday was an exploration of Hanumanasana. It is a difficult pose for me with my knee condition but thanks to props, there is scope for working on the action in the asana. At best I can do 2 or 3 short attempts with ample padding. Any more and I would be inviting trouble. The class has a mix of students of varying age groups and experience levels which made it interesting to observe how a complex asana became one of play, display, endeavour and letting go. There was excitement which was tamed in a longish sarvangasana towards the end of the class.  

A screen grab of Guruji in a suspended Hanumanasana from the film, Samadhi.
The class had a lot of fun playing with this version.

Hanumanasana is named after the leaps the vanara takes beginning with the first one to Lanka in search of Sita. Light on Yoga says, “This asana is dedicated to Hanuman and commemorates his fabulous leaps.” These are poses not often covered in classes as they need practice and are more a journey of discovery through one’s own practice. Leaps of faith are solitary endeavours. One may have support of wellwishers but the path is to be trodden individually. 

Hanuman forgets his great power and ability because of a curse when he was a precocious young vanara who reached out to pluck the sun out of the sky. Jambavan’s reminder lifts the veil over his memory as he is now mature and has the power of discrimination. In Light on Yoga, Guruji states that “power without humility breeds arrogance and tyranny.”  Power needs humility without which it can easily be twisted and warped as we see so clearly in the events unfolding in different parts of the world.

Both Ram Navami and Hanuman Jayanti are right around the corner. One festival celebrates the birth of an avatar of Vishnu and the other of Vayu’s powerful son and the Lord of Prana. The same prana that is the single thread of our collective existence. The times we live in are starkly divisive, separating us from ourselves based on religion, geography and other such classifications. Even as we hurt and hurtle towards destruction of varying intensities, there is yoga. It is for all. It is that which gives equanimity to stand steady amidst the tumult of life. 

As an ideal, there couldn’t be a better model of devotion, wisdom, strength, wit, erudition, culture and other such qualities. It makes him a wonderful object of contemplation. (YS 1.37) One of my favourite passages is his first encounter with Rama and Lakshmana as the brothers wander in search of Sita. Hanuman appears as a brahmana and proceeds to have a soliloquy as he examines all the facts of their presence in the jungle. It is a light, witty and agile delivery delighting Rama.

Rama tells Lakshmana, ” How refined his voice is; how beautifully he speaks. Surely, he is a scholar of the Vedas. Nobody who does not have a sincere heart can speak so well.  This Hanuman speaks from his heart, and he is intelligent and able. Sugriva is fortunate to have such a minister; success will attend all his endeavours.”

The Ramayana – Ramesh Menon

While there is change and growth in the yoga studies, there are challenges in other areas of life. It is interesting to see how the years have brought a change in perceiving the current situation. It does seem like a repeat of history but like in computer games where the difficulty levels increase, this time there is more sharpness in the external circumstances. And like in those games where one levels up as a result of skill, life’s game also throws these challenges as one becomes capable of coping with them. The insides are not as rattled although there are emotional responses of sorrow. Even avatars are not exempt from it. But the path out of it is through it and eventually the dark jungle does give way to a clearing in the sun.

Another year winds to a close

It is the last month of the academic year and the days have a slower pace. Pune has been in summer mode since a ​while now and these few weeks are about settling into the hottest part of the year. Accordingly, ​a​sanas are about cooling and conserving energy. 

It is also that time when one decides on the next year’s schedule. Things will largely remain the same ​in my calendar except for one addition. I would be teaching a class as well. The enormity of it didn’t sink in until a few days passed. As with everything about being an apprentice, this too was an organic extension of the learning process. ​Initially, there ​w​as a small resistance about being an instructor but that ​​sprung from an apprehension, a fear of losing my way. But, then I also see my own teachers and their unwavering fidelity to yoga, come what may. And so, I believe that ​as long as I remain a student, all is​ well.

​It has been difficult to find time and sufficient quiet to mark my days here but I suppose that is the nature of an intense immersion. A couple of months ago, I was tired and close to breaking point with all that was happening, within this world and my life outside. Life situations haven’t changed but I’m learning to make small changes in rearranging my time to accommodate space for what I need.

Over the last couple of years, I see how I have been shaped by my teachers. What seemed impossible to accomplish in the early days is now instinctive. Most of all, there is a renewed sense of studentship. In the course of assisting classes, a few of us are suddenly told to teach a pose or then start a class. And we do so seamlessly. Mentoring of apprentices at RIMYI is brilliant in its simplicity and ease. Each of us  is different in ability and capacity and our mentors work with us rather than simply getting us to conform. Truly, a living guru-shishya parampara. That whole tradition of a living lineage is the subject matter of a separate post.

We had quite a few groups of students/ teachers visit the institute as part of the 50th year special programmes. It was interesting to observe different practitioners and see the similarities and differences between each of us. Many of them are first timers while some are seasoned hands. Some leave their roles in their world and are present simply as a student for a month or two while others are on a mission to take as much as they can get. Often, there is an almost immediate commodification of whatever is taught and shared freely even before sufficient time has been spent in chewing on it. Some are aware of it. In an exchange with a student, she mentioned, “we will take whatever we can get” but later she corrected herself to say, “whatever we receive“. It is a pertinent reminder to oneself that all one needs to do is prepare. Grace of learning is a gift, freely given and gratefully received. The body of work left behind by Guruji, Geetaji and which continues to be added to is an ocean. How can one lifetime be enough to swallow it all?

Another thing I noticed was how physical adjustments were a matter of such diffidence for many. Having been the recipient of many firm adjustments over the years, the assurance of confident hands is a given. But, that comes from RIMYI teachers’ opportunity of having handled so many different bodies. In general classes, we assist people in achieving an action in a pose while in medical classes, we do a bit more. And over a period of time, it is wonderful to see how Guruji’s ‘asana technology’ as Abhijata calls it and the students’ efforts create dramatic changes in a person’s quality of life. The goal is to help them get better and ready for a general class rather than having them dependent on a therapy class.

At year’s close, what have been my learnings? Maitri, Karuna, Mudita and Upeksha. In all situations. Every time a veil is lifted, these four pillars stand revealed. The very first of the sutras to have caught my attention is that which still continues to guide and direct. 

Once a blogger, always a blogger

​Wordpress informs me that I’ve been a blogger on this platform for 11 years. My very first blog on the site was a space to simply dabble in words with no clear intent. That site has been inactive for a long while now. Shortly after, I began a blog to document my running journey. That remained active for as long as I continued to run. Alongside that came up this blog to record some of the impressions as a student and practitioner of yoga and it has been a constant. Somewhere in the interim, there was yet another page to muse about anything that caught my fancy which has also been dormant. I suppose yoga really is the subject of my enquiry.

Beloved RIMYI

At the moment, there is not much bandwidth to write. Many of the things that feed my spirit are missing from everyday life with its pace. In the last few months, I’ve not been able to spend as much time outdoors or read or simply be. Commitments at the institute have kept me fully occupied. While the learning continues to be incredible, there is also fatigue, mental more than physical. Mostly, it springs from the anatarayas (1.30-31) that Patanjali elucidates in the beginning. The rest is a natural cascade into “wrong understanding and false conceptions” which generate “wrong feelings and taint the consciousness. This hinders the sadhaka in his efforts to experience the seer, and may create a dual or split personality.” (1.8)

I forget that the solution is elegant and given almost immediately after stating the potential causes. As soon as Patanjali talks about the obstacles in the path, he indicates the preventive measures in 1.32, “Adherence to single-minded effort prevents these impediments.” He then continues in a series of sutras to open out various ways in which to still the mind and consciousness (1.34-39).

While vrittis are harder to pin down, the kleshas are more easily identifiable with chief among them being avidya in which nests all others. Avidya is followed by asmita, raga, dvesha and abhinivesha. From 2.24-2.29, Patanjali lists out the cause and treatment of the same. The rest of the chapter is devoted to opening the first four of the eight limbs of yoga. 

Why all this reference to the sutras? Why the need to pin the various spots that I can identify? Simply because private study has always been my recourse to making sense of my world. I miss that terribly but find myself in a loop of activity. On the surface, it appears necessary but is it really? There is much that is accomplished but the price is heavy and I feel the weight of what is essentially a lightness. An outsider probably sees a different picture but the insides are what matter. 

As a marker of time, I could list out a whole bunch of things that happened from November and continue at a breakneck pace. There were a whole load of activities, Yoganusasanam, Guruji’s birth anniversary celebrations, a medical intensive which is ongoing. I’ve substituted for a few classes, taken visiting students on tours of the place and helped out in the office in addition to attending classes, assisting in them and documenting archival material. 2024 is packed with events commemorating 50 years of RIMYI and will see the same pace of activity. It is great to have such energy and buzz. But, at heart, I am a student and that part feels a bit dry. I need irrigation of the spirit. This blog has been one such. Perhaps the universe knew I needed a hand and gave the nudge with the notification of an anniversary to help come back.

The intention with this blog was not readership as much as it was about sharing my experiences in the hope that it would find someone who might find use. This space has brought me incredible gifts of friendship and so much more. Back when I started to write about my RIMYI life, I never imagined finding myself where I am. It is humbling to see the extent of the rewards of practice. One of the sweetest gifts has been finding like minded studentship. Setbacks and plateaus like the current state are part of the road and are simply opportunities to reaffirm one’s commitment to life’s seeking. 

I am grateful for the ability to have this space and the love and encouragement of my fellow travellers. Thank you for being on my road.

RIMYI and Maitri

RIMYI is home. As I walk towards the institute, it is always the same. Familiar and comforting, what a loved home feels like. There is an entering into the space, the ritual of removing footwear, walking through the large doorway and settling into the rhythm of the space. Many things happen during the course of a day. Organizing various activities, archival and library tasks and being present in classes take up most of my time. Often, it appears as though things are simply going on but almost every day I am struck powerfully by how much happens below the surface.

I am beginning to experience first hand what Abhijata had spoken about a few years back about the non-formal system of teaching and learning that happens at RIMYI. I see it in the instinctive knowing before intellectual understanding. Small things, like the pose one may assume in a break between asanas while the teacher speaks, the choice of modifications even when it is not suggested but which is validated when the teacher follows up later with a suggestion and that is what one has done. It is present when there is a meeting of minds as we read something together and connect the dots between a film or a class lesson. Priceless, the warp and weft of community and subject.

Despite the increased interaction with students and teachers at the institute, I still remain mostly a soloist with respect to what I feel and think about the practice, the place and the teachings. But there is small change as I speak with my teachers or then a couple of friends. R had mentioned how he considers himself as belonging to RIMYI a few months ago, that’s how I feel about myself. I belong to the place and care about it deeply. It has been and continues to be a place where hundreds come everyday and many lives get better. I suppose the current avatar of it could be considered as Iyengar yoga 2.0. It is a changed world we inhabit and the practice reflects it. Old-timers, both local and international, feel the shift with its mix of tradition and contemporary relevance. The elders guide and pass on whatever they know even as the younger generation brings its dynamism echoing Guruji’s exhortation of letting his end be our beginning.

As I reflect over all these happenings, I can’t help but look at what is staring me in the face. Maitri. Very early on, it took root in my heart. Initially, it was just the sound of the sutra (1.33) but later it grew to become a powerful anchor through the years. Featuring soon after the obstacles mentioned in the first pada, it is a breath of fresh air in its availability for everyone. Later in a sutra in the third pada (3.24), Guruji translates, “He gains moral and emotional strength by perfecting friendliness and other virtues towards one and all.” What strikes me as different in this aphorism from the others is that I can’t think of anyway in which this siddhi can be misused. There is only a ‘graceful diposition of heart’ that is available on its realization. The heart is really the heart of practice. Guruji’s teachings came straight from that blazing centre as did his twinkle and laughter, generosity and compassion.

Strive, we do. In asana, in life. We strive as we meet the challenges of a pose, injury or life happenings. But, maitri, karuna, mudita and upeksha bring softness to meet all of it with ease. ‘Citta prasadanam’ is the promise. I’m just going to quote him verbatim, “This mental adjustment builds social as well as individual health. Besides cultivating these qualities, one should follow the social virtues of yama (2.30) for the well-being of society as a whole. This approach to life keeps the mind of the sadhaka serene and pure.” Considering all that is happening in our collective lives, the sutra is a potent reminder of our interconnectedness. There really is no other, we are one. Just like yoga is one.

Notes on Ganesh Chaturthi

It’s a big day in this corner of the world. There is much worship and celebration as people welcomed the elephant headed God into their homes. In my smaller corner of the world, it is a quiet day reminiscent of many things. The day itself carried shades of every feeling that is a given if one is embodied. If I had to summarize, I’d say it was mostly being – being oneself, being present.

And in the midst of many waves that rose and fell, the gift of an unexpected class. I had to help set up a recording for my teacher and ended up doing it as well. It was strange to know that I was the only one in that class which was not real-time. And I wondered at how he managed to teach so effortlessly that it seemed like a regular class.

It was a gift at many levels. I had spent the time just before class reading from the Astadala Yogamala and the session touched on so many of those nuances. I did some asanas that I wasn’t even approaching these last few months. Like he put it so beautifully, even in heating asanas, one can find ventilation. So many gems.

Yesterday, in therapy class, I experienced a shift. Something changing within. Almost as though there was a tapping into a quiet stream of energy, invisible and unseen. Unhurried and yet alert. I felt it yesterday but the articulation only happened after some time. The teaching here is so robust, so immersive that one doesn’t quite realize when one is changed. There are no milestones, just sudden realizations. And at such moments, one looks at it and moves on.

For almost 50 years, the hall has been the stage for all kinds of students, practitioners, teachers. Visitors see a spartan space with a lot of wooden props. But the heart of RIMYI is in the service of its teachers, those who pour themselves into us, day in and day out.

As I call it a night, I see that today has been a benediction.

8 years later

8 years ago, Wednesday mornings were looked forward to with great anticipation. A thirsty waiting. It was class day when I’d be charged and riveted for an hour with my teacher. Ever since that very first class in June that year, my respect and love for her grew. Like everyone else, I loved her class or maybe it was her. I was simply one of many thousands who would enter the doors of RIMYI with a great deal of reverence. I remember the thrill when she gave me a card at the end of that year to move to Intermediate.

My own journey with the place saw me go through awe and reverence to its current place as home. Since that Wednesday morning all those years ago, I’ve been in many classes of varying levels with my teacher. Yesterday, I had to sub for her and so taught a class at RIMYI in that iconic hall. The class itself will remain etched in my mind because I miscalculated the time 🙂 and ended early. Later, my friends and teachers shared stories about their first class at RIMYI and their bloopers. So, it is a rite of passage. In balance, it was a good class.

Around the world, this system of teaching and learning has very extensive, formal pedagogy while at the heart of it all at RIMYI, the learning, teaching is organic. Depsite the modernity of yoga teaching and learning, it is a gurukula in spirit. We are children of the institute. One of my deepest satisfactions is being of service in whatever way I can. Packing up after a class for the teachers, doing stuff for the library, archives or then coordinating activities, all of these are a devotion to a place that has given me much. The subject, the teachers, the legacy is so enormous and yet it is worn lightly. And so I want to remain a student. Always.

The gift of receiving

There is another circling back to receiving. Back in 2019, there were a few months of a very painful journey. I received much then- my teachers who channelled Guruji’s brilliance, props, helping hands and inexplicable grace. I was vulnerable and wide open with a raw heart and mind. As the years grew around that life changing experience, that period remains precious. It was the first time I received. Simply.

One of the gifts of friendship..

And now again, there is a receiving. At many levels. Not as dramatic as wild prop set-ups or class but in the gift of love and affection from many quarters. I’ve always stayed in the shadows, soaking in everything but never familiar with my teachers and peers. Always, the formal distance. I suppose it is a relic of my experiences as a school child. It has changed. More because of them than anything I consciously did.

In the course of my work with the archives, library and other odd jobs, I was happy simply doing stuff. For the longest time, it was solo work and hidden. That is a comfortable space. And then my teacher asked me to talk about the library on Hanuman Jayanti earlier this year. I didn’t want to and said that I could write and give her. But she said, you’ve been doing all this work so it would not make sense if someone else did. It was good logic and I agreed. So, I spoke. The intention was to let people know about the library and get them to use it. Half a year down the line, the library is open and thriving thanks to the efforts of volunteers and we have a reading group that meets every alternate week.

But these activities come with a certain degree of visibility as well as the necessity to deal with more people. And I find that along the way, I made friends. Mostly, I listen. I like to listen. But, now I also speak. And it is different. Something that S read today can be applied to these very immediate facets of our lives as well.

“So this chapter is about moving beyond separation. It is about extension of intelligence and expansion of consciousness so that the barrier around “my” intelligence and “my” consciousness begins to dissolve. This brings the beginning of the end of loneliness. It is a fusion- or rather a transfusion- for we are transfused with the riches of natural cosmic resources.” – Light on Life

The more time one spends on a way of life that is inward going, the more things, people and places fall by the wayside. One’s choices don’t make sense to those who have a different outlook. Instead, one discovers fellow travellers. It doesn’t mean a sterile existence but a richer one with space for all kinds of experiences. This blog has also been a space of receiving- of kindness and shared experiences and precious friendships. If someone had to show me the image of my life today, say 5 years ago, it would have seemed like an absurd possibility but it is real. I spend my days doing what I always wanted to do. My life has usefulness and purpose. There is devotion and unshakeable faith. All these things are a gift, a grace.

Navigating backbends

Backbends have taken a backseat for a while in practice and class. They do happen but mostly in a restorative, well propped long hold. For a couple of days, they’ve been a playground and some interesting things popped up. I still went about the poses supported but with a focus on access. So, activity without agitating the body. R’s ‘approaching an asana‘ is something that has been etched in my mind.

Many things converged. I remembered a recent class when the women, perimenopausal, post menopausal worked in a back bending session and one of them mentioned that it simply just took longer to get the pose. And they were sweating in the effort. I find that the sweat in a younger age is different. That sweat was refreshing and did not feel depleting like the one that I experience on exertion now. 

I also notice that by listening to the body, there is an instinctive manouvering in maximizing output while minimizing effort. So, instead of just pushing and pulling, I find myself releasing into an asana, allowing the breath to do the job and the mind to navigate the effort. A very different asana happening. 

Endurance in an asana is less about will power and more about surrender. It then naturally segues into pranayama. I find that there is lesser duration taken in assuming a pose and almost a settling into its breathscape. And this makes space within the limitations of the body.

At one time, backbends were about exuberance and prowess . Now they feel more like a quiet delight without performance. It is interesting how the well supported backbends informed and encouraged that texture even when there was some effort today. Incredible, how rich this subject is!

A few lines from an early 90s interview with Guruji.

Backbends are to be felt more than expressed. The other postures can be expressed and then felt. 

Discipline means that backbends have to be done using the discriminative quality of the practitioner, without disturbing the anatomical structure.

Kintsugi

My road to yoga was via physical pain. It took pain and time but I regained my capacity to live an active and full life. Occasionally, there are flare-ups of the conditions that exist but they are few and far between. But, whenever they come, it feels like an opportunity to explore, discover. The last few days have seen a flare-up of the neck condition and I decided to see how it could teach me. Anti-inflammatories help in minimising the pain but I wanted to also see how the body itself could pacify itself. Usually, when this happens, it is because of disregarding a fundamental tenet of health- rest. People think food, exercise but rest is often ignored. Rest has many shades and textures. Sleep, savasana, silence, emptiness, fullness, space.

Earlier, a temporary setback would have frustration spring up to some degree, The proverbial two steps forward, one step back has been my journey. But, many such instances make one a veteran of these situations. And now, there is a transformation in the response to such situations. This current episode has been wonderful. First, I tried all the active work I knew of to address it but the instinctive call to rest proved to be the best way forward, as usual. Yesterday and the day before was mostly resting in prone asanas. But this morning, I did it in asanas, modified wildly in forms I’ve never done. I started with prone savasana with arms rested and then went on to play with forward bends and mild twists with the same restful support to the arms. It was a new experience of the spine, the back, the mind.

Most of the times, the yoga corner remains pristine while the furniture gets used. 🙂

Surgeries, injuries, degenerative conditions have eroded many parts and I used to feel like I had a body that was held together by flimsy tape. Without the necessary mental conditioning and culturing, it was easy to slip into resignation which often disguised itself as acceptance. With the entry of a practice, came the joy of discovery that “yoga could cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured” as Guruji often mentioned. The body is really an embodiment, not simply a pile of bones and flesh and blood. Yesterday during the group reading, R pointed out that when Guruji mentioned body, we need to understand it as being the physical body, mental body, intellectual body, emotional body, etc. It resonated so much. But the physical body and its capabilities are generally in the forefront and one tends to see things through that lens.

I’ve often struggled with impostor syndrome while assisting thinking how could I even be there? But, then the logical part would kick in saying the teachers would not have me there if they didn’t see that I could be useful in some manner. It is only now that I am beginning to glimpse that one may not be able to do a lot of asanas but being a helper is much more than that. Increasingly, I find while helping someone, the instinct of the asana directions kick in and I am able to convey it. Of course, there is a long way to go because there are so many asanas that are out of my orbit. Some for now, some for ever perhaps but something I heard Geetaji speak about has stuck. Once you learn the actions in basic asanas, they are then replicated in the more complex poses. Slow. This journey into finding one’s comfort in different shapes and roles. In my own practice, I find that since I have a limited staying capacity in some poses, I have to learn to strike the optimum pose quickly in order to move further. That is mostly tinkering work over a length of time and with a different approach. Not the usual pull and push but one of softness in how to approach problematic asanas without the instinctive tightness. It has also meant learning to be sensitive about how much to push and when to let go.

I’ve been put together like the shattered pieces in kintsugi by my teachers. They poured their gold into me and showed me how to feel whole when I struggled with physical and emotional pains. I’m reminded of Guruji’s, “Yoga allows you to rediscover a sense of wholeness in your life, where you do not feel like you are constantly trying to fit the broken pieces together.” It is a rediscovery. Our essential nature is one of wholeness but we get mired in the sense of brokenness as we accumulate life experiences. Time. In retrospect, we see how that the tiny shatterings happen as we lose the ability to remain completely absorbed in the now. Young children have that but it gets lost as adulthood happens. Somehow as I get older, there is also a rediscovering of that childlike curiosity and absorption in my activities. This marvelous subject of yoga is responsible for that wholeness.